she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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