dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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