just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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