i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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