He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
