There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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