If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
