I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
tell me about the eggs
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
