I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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