So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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