So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
