Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize