You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
