Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
