it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize