someone get that fucking seahorse.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
