if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
