My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
