Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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