who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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