He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
