Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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