A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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