I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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