Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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