Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
