So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
