dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
