How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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