I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
