Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
