yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize