she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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