I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
