worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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