drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize