She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
