do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
