it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
