She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
