i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And then he peed in my hair
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