So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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