i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
