Me. At least after what I've been through.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
