my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
