drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
