Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
