Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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