i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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