I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sext me about skeletons
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
