He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
