There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
