jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
