Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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