if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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