I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
