I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
