I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize