you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
