I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize