And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
