what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
