Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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