He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize